It Hurts To Know That You Were My Everything And I Was Just An Option To You

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I miss you quite terribly and I’m not even going to deny it. I am desperate to have you back into my life even though I’ve practically accepted the impossibility of such a scenario. I know that I’ve lost you forever but I console myself by thinking that I’m always going to have our dreams and our memories together. I’m always going to have that short time that we spent as a couple and nothing is going to be able to take that away from me.

I still wish that you cared about me now just as much as you cared for me back then. I still crave for your love right now; the same kind of love that you used to give me on a daily basis back when we were still together. But I’m also starting to realize that perhaps you didn’t care for me as much as I thought you did. Perhaps you didn’t love me the way that I wanted you to. And perhaps you didn’t really prioritize me the way that you should have. Otherwise, we would still be together right now. Because I know that I did my part. I know that I focused all of my energy on you. I know that I did whatever it took to keep our relationship afloat; to keep us together. Maybe it was you. It was your complacency that drove us apart. It was your unwillingness to act that really hurt me. It was your incapability to love me the way that I needed to be loved that ultimately doomed our relationship. And it hurt me back then – but it still hurts me even now.

So I’m trying to love myself more now. I’m trying to love myself in an attempt to heal the wounds that you inflicted. I’m trying to love myself in ways that you never could.

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