If you love me, don’t change me.
People change. But that shouldn’t mean that you get the right to change me – especially if you claim that you love me. But I understand it. I know where you are coming from. For the longest time, I also thought that it was okay to try and change the people we love – especially when we do it with the best of intentions. I thought that it was normal for two people in a loving relationship to try and change one another. But little did I know that that was the reason my relationships ended up failing and falling apart. And I don’t want that to happen for us. I won’t try to change you. And I sincerely hope that you won’t try to change me. At the end of the day, we should love one another – and perhaps that love can inspire a change in us that’s for the better.
I don’t want to fall into the trap of falling in love with someone but only in a partial sense. I used to be like that. I used to fall head over heels for a person. But then I wouldn’t be so tolerant of some very specific aspects of that person’s character. And instead of loving those parts, I tried to change them. I made my partners feel like I really couldn’t love them wholeheartedly unless they changed for me. And I know now that I was wrong. Sure, no one is perfect. No one is without their flaws. But that doesn’t mean that anyone has the right to compel a person to change especially when they are in a loving relationship together.
One of the greatest lessons that I’ve picked up in all of my heartbreaks is this: when a person is allowing themselves to be vulnerable by revealing who they really are on the inside to you, then that person is taking a risk with you. And when you tell that person that you don’t like what you see, then you crush them. You crush their soul. When a person bares their soul to you, and you genuinely believe that you love this person, you tell that person that you love them – with flaws, blemishes, and imperfections included. Because at the end of the day, people can still change. But once a trust is broken, it will never be the same.
If I tell you that I’m not ready for a marriage just yet even though you really want to get hitched already, I hope that you can still love me. Because it’s not that I’m never going to change. It’s just that I can’t change at the pace that you want me to. And I need you to accept that about me. And it’s really supposed to be like that with other aspects of our relationship as well. Just because I’m not a certain way at the moment doesn’t mean that I’m never going to be the way that you want me to be. Sometimes, things just take time.